Consider this scenario:
So you good with us going to that Greek restaurant for dinner tonight? Cause I know it’s not your favorite but you said you wouldn’t mind once in a while and we haven’t gone there for a long time. I just don’t want you to be mad. So you okay with it?
Okay good, well you know you picked the restaurant last week.
Hey, you liked that spinach pie right?
What are you going to get this time?
I don’t know.
Hey, something wrong?
Oh, you sure.
Well you sound mad!
I’M NOT MAD.
Well you sure sound like it!
Just what is it that happened here? You weren’t mad to begin with, just perhaps slightly annoyed but not really, well, MAD. Then when he kept asking questions, you started to get mad!
Why was he asking so many questions? Because he wasn’t sure if you were mad! He was looking for reassurance that your slight annoyance was not about him. The more he probed, the more it sure seemed like it was about him!
The more he probed the more it did become about him. And the self-fulfilling prophecy was filled, the very thing he didn’t want to have happen, happened, she got mad.
The key to a healthy relationship is to have enough room inside yourself for someone else to be annoyed yet you stay centered in yourself. Here’s where we get hung up…YOUR GOOD MOOD IS NOT DEPENDENT ON WHETHER OR NOT YOUR PARTNER IS IN A GOOD MOOD.
Of course we want our partner to feel good and happy all the time. But how would you like it if your partner wanted YOU to feel that way all the time even when you didn’t? How about just allowing your partner to be where they are without trying to change them?
Here’s the solution to keep in mind:
- Many men especially, are solution oriented. Men want to fix and solve the problem.
- Women are process oriented. We want to sit in our feelings, kind of wallow and explore for a while, be listened to and then emerge on our own, on the other side.
- Understanding the difference can make all the difference in harmonious relationships!
Managing emotional reactivity in your relationships is part of the healing process. Lionheart Institute of Transpersonal Energy Healing teaches you how to heal yourself, facilitate healing for others and build a career as an Energy Healing Counselor. Lionheart offers a FREE introductory course each month. To sign up for the next one go to http://lionheartinstitute.com/energy-healing/.